ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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