Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
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