I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
