the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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