before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
