trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She's the barista slut.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
