yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
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