i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
