So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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