one two three fourrrrnication!
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
