well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
