i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
