im gay
i know
yea but for you.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Randomize
