Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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