I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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