Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
