Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
