May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
