Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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