I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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