He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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