he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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