Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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