I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
