Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
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I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
send nudes
from the living room?
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