Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
