Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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