I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
