I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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