I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
