no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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