I must be too annoying 4 u.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
