I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
