Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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