You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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