I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
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