I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
