I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
