Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
