How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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