If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
