it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
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Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
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I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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