...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
