i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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