I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
