If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize