I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
