and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize