He felt like a one man threesome
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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