So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
