I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
