anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Randomize
