I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
