Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
The air was thick with penises
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
