i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
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I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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