ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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