I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
