let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
