normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
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Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
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say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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