Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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