1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
