apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
