ya dads aren't the best wingmen
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
they need to just BURY HIM!
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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