Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
time to smoke my breakfast
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
