He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize
