I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Are my feet made of real feet?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
