His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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