i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
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