I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize