The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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