This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
