I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize