We got so high we made milksteak
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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