It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
