stop calling my apartment porn island.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
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