where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
