I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
