I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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