the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
