with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
