We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
