Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
