The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
