just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
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