So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
