i may or may not be watching the land before time
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Did we literally take a cab across the street
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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