The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
