Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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